P.S. Go to this link for my blog in e future.

http://al-bigredtomato.blogspot.com/

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update: received this in my inbox today ....18/06/09, 5.16pm
(read le... very sad... so.. is this exactly wat i can't think out last nite? i kept tinking.. why he can't stop contacting her since he knows what he wants.... is it really like tt?? i came home open this mail... very sad)

little ger, sit down alone and have a deep thghts over it
when u talked abt ur ex, he gave me the feelings that u are not the one he want NOW
if he really want to have commitment with u, y he cant make up his mind now
y he said leave it to fate, leave it to god
will he want to totally no contact with u? but contact with that ger? no sense at all
He will want more of u and less of her.
the answer is there for u to see just that u are now in the mist of hurt ...u cant see clearly

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My new blog must be about happier things.... so this entry goes here!

Shihui called me ystd... to ask me how's me n him... and where do we go for romantic dinner....

Burst into tears toking to her. i told her. he abandoned me for a beer gal. sorry humhum... cannot ctrl la. promise fri go drink i wun like tt k! hahahaha

i kept tinking abt Black Opal... the nite i tot.. he made an effort to celebrate our 5 yr anni... did he contact her when he went home? ha ha. the nite i tot was romantic.. might { confirm(?) be stained.

All i needed was sm effort n signs of love u know? y is it so difficult?

He says he already broke up wif tt gal. Just tt the feeling is there. Time is all he need to stop contacting her, and he wants me to gif him time coz he knows who he wants. i dun understand... if u wan to stop being addicted to sth.. u STOP tking sth rite? u wan to stop smoking.. u dun smoke more till u can stop rite? u tk drugs, u dun eat more pills till u can stop rite? u wan to fgt someone, u dun meet more of someone to create more memories rite? to continue contacting means there's lingering under-current isn't it?

Wee says tt young boys succumb to temptations easily. he says... maybe it's a good time tt this happen.. so tt if this guy really treasure u, he can do some soul searching and grow up. If this guy continues to indulge in his flings, this guy is not for u. Maybe after this.. he can either love u more, or convince u to leave him more. so just live ur life as it is. and if he change for the better, u two can always patch. bt if he's not, den y are you wanting him. the more u restrict him, the more rebellious he get.

y is it so hard to get commitment? y is it so hard... to fgt someone? Y after all these... i m still praying for miracle? He said leave everything to god... but dear god... y when i prayed to u.. tt he wun sway anymore, wun lie anymore... slowly fgt her and let us be back as before..... u dun wan to help me lehx?

Brain Vs Heart. Tug of war.... When will my brain n the heart unite once more?

i wish i could sleep. pls... just let me slp. waking up n shaking at nite... feels so weak. so not me. i've nv been thru' tis stage in my entire previous years.. i need time to adjust.

Dear laopos n frenz.

thanks for ur company, hugs, smses, emails (including sm passer-by blog-readers), calls and tissues.

I know i worried alot coz i can walk walk walk n burst into tears anytime anywhere. i m making effort to control. i will get a grip o myself soon. Don't worry k? gif me sm time to grief.