Half an hr before my work ends~ yawn~ there's this singing performance today at the CC... Seeing those aunties and uncles singing eagerly for the audience kinda touched me... cliche bt yes... seeing ppl work so hard for a common goal... I used to be this way too... to work hard and get into gd schools was all that was on my mind... since when did playing and slacking took over these? things juz seem more complicated as year goes along. I remember toking nicely and calmly to my parents... nw... i could juz scream their head down within 5 seconds... Suddenly remember my mum's operation and regret nt doing enough for her... therefore, i gave her a call juz nw at work. She says that she's bored... ya, realise she is already 40+... she's getting older by years... and wat hv i done for the past 20 years? Nah~ i know this blog is heavy... bt this is weighing in my brain... so decide to vent it out.
I wish i m prettier.. i wish i was slimmer... i wish i could drive... i wish i can dance well... i wish... i wish... so many wishes... suddenly realise tt all my wishes has nth to do wif my future... all these are juz being presentable on the superficial level... somehow i feel that my inner beauty is rotten and damage... i have lack of sympathy for all those aunties that came to whine abt their stories... i only love my pets... ouch~ it's time to do sm self-reflection. There are lots of ppl in the CC office currently... they are all chatting happily... i m the direct contrast..
I m afraid of gg Hong Kong for further studies.. not bearing to leave Jiawen and all my frenz here is one thing... bt... WAT DO I WANT TO GO THERE FOR? I was thinking that actually a management degree seems to be a beta degree than getting a arts degree in Hong Kong... Yes, it's more prestigious to study there... bt i m already in my 2nd yr here! All my big plans of learning driving, yoga and buying a car before 21 suddenly smashed before my face... I drag the letter... whether i m accepted or not... I know i would be in the greatest dilemma i've experienced since the last i could remember till now. Suddenly remember the time i was back in Hong Kong, tinking abt leaving my neighbourhood for Spore... the first i came to Spore... i lived one yr in seclusion... no one to tok to... how awkward i felt when i was admist all those english spking ppl the first time... realise that if i ever go back to hong kong, all these would be wat i'll be experiencing again. haix~ nt tt i will cfm go there... since i hv high chance of not being accepted.i had sent my reference report to the wrong destination last mth... they sent me a letter to inform me that they haven't receive anything till now.
When i saw Xinyi and Veron last last wk... they told me nt to go HK... they said that i'll be wasting my efforts gg. that sets me tinking... maybe if i gt accepted... i shd tell my parents a no. Bt i would be a big disappointment to my mum. All these are too early to say though. I would be toking crap if i get the rejection letter.
actually my brain is in this big mess now.. i hv so much to say... and so much to type... bt i can't get my brain organise... i wan to learn my grade 8 piano cert.. i hvn't get it. I wan to go Sentosa...
Just now, the former Hong Kong triad leader and ex-owner of Pan Pacific was here. He experienced so much high and low in his life... he was soooooooo rich once and yet sooooooo poor now... in life, there is no absolute. I, seeing him now really pity him. He had nt lose his ego... which is quite irritating... bt i really would hv turned mad if i were him. he turned rich again spore opening a catering cafe... he offended a high post person in P.A.... nw he is only a low earning F&B supplier... if i were him... to lose a hotel, a big cafe to wat he is now... i really would hv went bonkers...
Maybe all that i was taking in was really too much for me to register... sending me to waves of depression... i wish that in life, there are chances to erase and re-do some of the things...