Having a blog is certainly a blessing at times when u are as bored as me... I feel so bottled up~~~ literally and physically... When was last time i have a life? I mean... wat happened? During the hols... I hv work... DAILY... for long hours... and yet i can maintain a healthy social life... gg out wif frenz, clubbing... Bt now... It's juz like i feel so drained and worn out... I dun even wan to go out when i hv the time... WAT HAPPENED! Haiz... Maybe a plague carried away my energy?! Watever... Bt nt for long i hope... I AM anti-social to a certain extent... nt to the fullest extent... luckily i dun hv to study a single bit during the hols... ie. I can play and work hard~ *winkz*
Xiao Xin and Xiao Bu Dian are back at my house... My goodness... I still can't get over the fact how far Xiao Xin is now... luckily we din't name him Xiao Bu Diao at first... Imagine wat an oxymoron it wud have created! And ya... I miss Literature... it is one of my fondest subject... one tt I might not be able to touch again~ Actually I really wan to go NUS next yr... haix... bt den again~ We muz always look forward and not dwell on wat might have happen.... I mean... we can't live wif "what if"... or we'll nv b happy...
Same thing apply to love I guess... it's like... though u hv other alternatives... u cannot date one and ask urself "wat if u had chosen another?" I think it isn't fair to both parties... So I tink it is one of the suckiest thing one could have done to hurt their beau. Juz make the best out of wat u have is one of the motto i m living wif nowadays for every aspect of life... surprisingly... I gif myself less pressure and i start to be happier. I realise if u care less and trouble urself less wif unnecessary questions and ideals tt u quote onto someone... instead of moulding other ppl into ur perceptions of perfect... Life is actually quite carefree. This is how i view abt family, frenz and love these days. I hv less quarrels wif everyone too~ Bt den again... there is my hot-temper tt hindered this transition. I am actually looking forward to a day when I can be totally zen-like... to be cool and unaffected by everything around me.
I always hope I can be a stronger person I guess. There are some things tt I hate bt go along for the sake of... of wat? I dunno... I m a conflicting person... I have lots of principles and yet I dun seem to be able to execute them. I lack the will. I can be considered weak. Maybe thatz y I dun achieve much in life till now. I wan to please ppl as much as my temper could contain... bt i m NOT happy. It's like this visage that is nt allowing me to show my real feelings. Not tt I hv some psycho tendency or wat... I m childish... bt yet i m matured... I tink a lot, I try to tink... I wan to break free... Bt yet my tots are naive and childish. I m in this constant struggle and this is making me feel completely screwed.
Is there gg to be an answer to explain this symptom in sociology? Maybe they'll say this is the effect of wat the society and doing on me. Bt then again... if tatz really the case... Den y some ppl r happy and some are unhappy in a society? What triggered that difference? What made some ppl so carefree and some to be driven to suicide? What made some so fucking rich and some so damn poor? That is even in the same environment... Even twins turn out to have different temperaments. So, can all delinquency of society be explained by society? Or is it innate... Maybe psychology can explain all these better den...
For some odd reason... I feel moody... so moody that I dunno wat to do abt it. They say some hormones made u moody... they release some hormones into ur brain and ta-da! U are MOODY~ I hate growing up. Wif more experience come more unhappiness... they say babies and gals are adorable their eyes sparkles... bt ur sparkle lose itself as years go by... science explains it by drying tear gland... Bt others explain it by saying coz u cried ur tears out... there is no more to refill as u r losing out more tears den u can replenish. I dun cry. Bt yet I feel like a walking zombie. There are times when I feel I m nothing... like I m walking wifout a soul. Who are we to the world?