*disclaimer: below post can be neglected*
past two days hv been really really horrible wif him. nothing goes right.
after Vday, coz he kept hinting he want a love letter, den since i told him i'll be delaying his pressie till after CNY when i hv the cash... i tot i'll be nice n write him one. So i told him to meet me after army tmr despite knowing tt he'll end late e nx day. I even told him I'll be super angry if he dun come. Thinking it's a surprise, i din't wan to tell him wat i had.. when he put doubts tt he dunno wat time he end, i say, huh, u dun come i dun eat dinner... hoping he'll eventually suggest supper or sth wif me. When he ends ard 9.51 at Jln Kayu Seletar camp, i told him i just ended meeting at AMK CC too... HAIX... he said, he tired, n told me he gg home, said bye on the phone quickly n hung up. i totally stunned there... when he realise sth nt v right, he started bombarding my phone... i jitao sianz 1/2 there dun wan tok. den he sms.. "u shd understand me, u hv nothing to b angry abt!"... over the phone..." u shd be less reliant!", "if u want meet me, nx time instructions CLEARER CAN!" (isn't my request clear???? i told him i want to meet him for two repeated days!)... if he sticks to this principle, FINE! bt ystd after his camp finishes at noon, he keep asking me out. when i say i really busy wif cleaning hamsters cages n lotsa spring cleaning, he say do other time n go wif him do CNY last minute shopping. so i quickly wash finish the cages tot postpone other stuffs to tmr... when i told him i ok le, he say jenny msg him go work, tk cab come his hse, accompany him a while, u go home i go work! AM I SOME ON-DEMAND SOCIAL ESCORT???? so i told him i gg out wif laopo they all, when he heard tt, he immediately say, den i dun go work go out wif u. so wat? i shd be less reliant when he's busy, dependent when he free... n then he'll nt b free if he shopping wif me on HIS REQUEST bt free if we are gg out wif frenz? can't i demand some sort of balance here??????????? so i already super bu shuang..
refusing to tell him where we are gg... i went PS meet my parents *ahem* to increase my wallet size. he say let him meet me blah blah... so i say i @ PS, we go kallang later, den he just say... meet u kallang, bye. nt even bother suggesting he come PS for me. maybe i really demand too much. shd kn where i stand in his heart. to be more understanding rite???
i told him coz i postponed many stuffs to tmr, i dun wan to go home later than midnite plus, since i need to do it today. plus evening i already hv to go dinner. immediately he suggested playing mahjong wif brother they all so that i need to reject. i really stone there coz i tot tt gesture was really uncalled for. when i stone there.. he suddenly whisper "u angry? u wan go home i send u home i go play wif them"... wah!!!!!! last nite tired till 10pm muz go straight home... we quarrelled till 1am... den he wake up early, he suddenly hv energy to go play mahjong till dawn, hv energy to go work, bt no energy for me! so i kinda glared at him.. he say loudly " my gf nt gg, i oso nt gg!" so caring rite... all his tiny words only i can hear... last nite on the phone, i asked him... y did he do all these things to hurt me? he say he din't do anything to hurt me. wah!
along the ride home... i really on the verge of breaking down, so i begged him go home den tok coz i dun wan quarrel or embarrass ourselves in front of brother who was on the cab wif us. he kept doing small gestures on cab blah blah so tt anyone on cab knows i angry... den he suddenly without warning said loudly... "hao lah, i say loud, sorry, dun angry k!" FUCK LORZ!!!! even the LAST bit of dignity oso dun wan gif me. so i told him straight immediately... "u had been sucky for two days, which one are u apologising for?" he kept silent.
when i reached home.. i cried. den he called... "i told bro wat happen... i say as NSmen... he shd kn my situation... blah blah yada yada...." so wat, if brother's support for his reasoning is ALL HE NEED, GO AHEAD! did he mention all his tiny tactics under table???!!! when i told him i really din't deserve all these.. he suddenly say sorry n say if i m not there no one will. so i m like this tool for him to vent everything out den throw aside??? who was the person toking abt being less reliant??? after all these.. i still tahan... i can't blif wat a weakling i m. sucks it all to my Vday post!
somehow i wish i die. coz i really m suck a useless pax. he always put on a front as if everything oso listen to me.. ya rite! i hope, one day, i hv enough preseverance to leave him for good. i hv enough strength. even if i m still together wif him, somehow i feel my soul is fading. FUCKed up life.